Like any other normal human being I am constantly worrying about one thing or another. So when I am alone I constantly think of ways I could have better done something. If it means that much to me I will actually write them down in a calendar or notebook. Well, this morning I got a “wake up call” an hour after I woke up.
It was 7:30 in the morning, like usual I was awake thinking about a guy that I had recently met, wondering why I like him, but he does not have mutual feelings. (Not a big deal really) I thought of ways I could improve myself around him to make me more likeable. In order to improve something you must look at what is wrong with it in the first place. Which led me to get really down on myself. I began to wonder why I do not get along with a lot of people around here, or for that matter why anyone can not just get along all of the time. Which made me think of Marcia Kear, one person I am extreme opposites of. Then of course I began thinking of what I am going to do for my next blog. It is hard for me to write out anything in this blog because I feel like I am being judged for everything I say. Which is why writing is such a love-hate relationship. Like any other form of communication (verbal, mannerisms, technical etc.), once you put it out there you can not take it back, and 100% of the time (unless you are a coward) your name is linked to it. Back to the point, in the beginning of the semester I was told to write about anything I want in my blog, so long as I do the assignment. I try not to offend people, so you see my problem here. I can not write because I do not want someone to give me a bad grade because they think I am a bad person for thinking the way I do. Then at 8:30 as I still trying to think of something to blab about, an alarm on my phone went off. Hidden in my calendar of events was a reminder that said “DO NOT CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK!!” Thanks to that note I came to realize I can not put my life on hold for people that disagree with my ways or what I think. I too have met many people I do not agree with, yet I still respect them for their individualism. And if I can do that, then I am sure just about anyone can. Basically what I am trying to say is that from now on the thoughts that go in this blog will be controversial because I can not write about stupid things like guys twice a week. I have always enjoyed writing because I used to do it for myself, and when I did I was damn good at it. I want to enjoy writing again. I want this blog to be the love part of the relationship, I’ll leave research assignments for the hate part.