this does not matter at all--

“We cannot see who we really are; we cannot see that we are not free,” stated Don Miguel Ruiz in his book ‘The Four Agreements’. The book is written in accordance to Toltec law and theories. As I began reading this book it described human domestication in a way that proves humans are the way we are because we are taught to believe in what others tell us. Our truth, our reality is just what people want us to believe because it is what was told to them to believe. Fear is a natural reaction to humans when they are criticized and begin to feel confused. Overall it is a fear of being judged- for stupidity, ignorance, ugliness, etc. A human knows very few ways to cope with this emotion and begins to feel angry. This anger proves that we care so much about what others think of us that we would threaten another human to look as though we are right (although it just makes us look like an ass). When the person calms they begin to feel humiliated from looking like a jerk and start to act as though they are expected once again. Allowing for the person to not realize that they are living for somebody besides themselves- they are not free.
One thing about this book that shined through to me was the idea of mitote. This is a dream where thousands of people talk at the same time, yet nobody understands each other. The book convinces the reader of reality being a dream, just with frames or specific time arrangements. Reality is real to us, because it makes the most sense in our lives. Although, reality does not make sense to us. While experimenting with a drug at a young age, along with 9 peers of mine, we were all sitting in a circle. All of my eight friends were blabbering away, and I was the only one listening to each person. I had no idea what any one of them were talking about. I began to feel they did not know either. This drug lasts for a long time yet makes time fly by quick, something like a dream. No one was making sense, and they did not even realize that nobody was listening. I realized at this time often during my daily routine (while I am not on drugs) I communicate with others, yet I do not care or think twice about what they have said. I know there are others out there who do this without realizing. So our reality is a mitote of people speaking to one another yet not caring, only when we care is when we are feeling judged. What is it that makes us want to feel accepted? I think once somebody stops wanting to be accepted and live their life is when we will figure out what life is about. (of course this will never happen because every single environment has its own effect on an individual).

if you read this whole thing and understood it, i am proud. because well you actually didn't.

i want to be like you

A person has brought to my attention that I am horrible at technology and anything that deals with technology—this does not bother me. I know people feel the need to hop on the band wagon and be like everyone else, but I am not the type to do or like something just because other people do. Some things I am apparently missing out on: Facebook, MySpace, Texting. Most things are ways of writing and talking to another person without having to face the person. One reason, besides being an individual, why I do not do follow these trends is because I think a person is a coward for talking and discussing serious matters when not face to face. If it is too hard to say to somebody’s face, there is a reason for that. If this is the fact of the matter, keep it to yourself. This form of technology is a way to hide yourself from human domestication. Sometimes, I wish I could be a superficial idiot, maybe I will grow into it. Now, I want to discuss Tila Tequila. Tila Tequila, is an attention whore. I love the show, because MTV has an addictive way of getting teens to watch it (mostly for sexual content). Although, Tila constantly announces the show is about finding out whether she loves men or women and then she contradicts this by saying the show is about finding a person she loves. What do these two have to do with each other? She needs to decide if she is looking for love, or if she is looking to decide what she likes. How can you find love if you are not sure which you like more. Tila, sometimes finding love isn’t the most important thing in life.

yo yo yo, i am sick of blogs

Friday I did not go to bed until 6 in the morning, so I guess it was Saturday (whatever). I hate my wondering mind sometimes. Then I woke up at 10 o’ clock Saturday, only to sit around and think about all the things that were bothering me last night. Then, Eileen woke up and we did a little chit-chat, decided to go to Walmart, and got some quarters for laundry. I bought some straws that I have desperately been needing. Ever since I got my molars out, I need straws to drink anything! Well, I guess I do not need them, but I am obsessed with them. I really do not have anything to talk about, this week was uneventful. I am sick of doing blogs for English-U595 class, because it makes me realize how boring and worthless my life is. Actually, that is a lie. My life is very exciting, dramatic, and unbelievable, which is exactly why I do not share my stories on here, they are unbelievable. Something that is believable though, I met someone. I like him, but he is turning out to be like every typical guy. What a surprise. Some day I will meet a guy that is completely different, I know he is out there. The great thing about moving to South Dakota, is having new stories to tell, meeting new people, and having those stories to reminisce with my new friends, the bad thing is I miss my old friends and our crazy stories. There will never be anyone that could replace the fargodians in my life.

Noel is a real person, but this is not their real name.

-Hello?
Hello, is Kiara there?
-This is, who is this?
This is ‘Noel’.
-Oh hey Noel, what’s going on?
Nothing just sitting at home, my Saturday’s are always lame because my dad grounded me for the rest of my life a couple months ago.
-Oh?...Why is that?
I told him I was bisexual… my mom was bisexual, and she left him, I think he is afraid I will leave him, like she did.
…..(long pause)
-How did you get my phone number, Noel?
You wrote it down in my yearbook. Do you want to come over?

--I have to say, at this point I was a little creeped out. Noel and I were good friends in 6th and 7th grade, but I was in 10th grade now, and I had not talked to him since then.

-Well, I really can’t I am grounded too. (a lie)
Oh, that is okay, I miss hanging out with you, what have you been up to?
-Well, I am going out with ___ (asshole) now, and I pretty much just hang out with him, when he comes over (I am a good liar).
I wish I were going out with somebody, then I would not cut my wrists at night, and somebody would think I were something special.
-You slit your wrists, Noel?!?!
Only every once and a while.
-Noel, that is not right, you should not do that to yourself. There is nothing so wrong with you that you should mutilate your body.
I don’t have friends like I used to, I have started drinking, and smoking, and now the only thing that feels good is my flesh being torn by thin razors. Haven’t you noticed I have been wearing long sleeve, baggy shirts to school?
-(I hadn’t, truth was I never paid attention to Noel anymore) Well, I have been kind of stressed out lately.

i must be very uninteresting because this is my life

I would like to eat some Domino’s pizza. I have not had Domino’s pizza in a very long time, and it makes me sad because the pizza in the commons is crap. I know this is a silly subject to write about (because my roommate laughed at me when she peeked over my shoulder) but I do not care and besides I am so uninteresting that I have nothing to write about. My favorite kind of Domino’s pizza is hand tossed crust, all the normal fixings, and pepperoni. My roommates favorite Domino’s pizza is thin crust and cheese. She just told me that and I yelled at her, because the first time we ordered pizza we got a gallilion different toppings on it. I think we even had pickles on that thing! We had so much that I could not eat it even! MAN! I cannot believe that. That makes me mad because I was not able to eat and enjoy my last pizza from Dominoes because of her crap. Paul Wall’s favorite pizza from Domino’s is stuffed crust, meat lovers. Paul Wall is our friend that is six feet and seven inches, so he is tall. Oh and I would also like everyone to know that I saw the hottest guy ever last night, but he really is not that interesting. Oh well, that is okay because there are plenty of other hot guys out there. It sucks that I care so much if he is hot. That is not something you should base a relationship on. Actually I am not basing any relationship on looks because obviously I could give a crap less about him because he was not interesting. It turns out I am not that bad of a person after all. Yay me!.

im not sure if i agree with this

Media has been around for a long time, and it has been blamed for many incidents that have happened in the past, and it will be blamed for future predicaments. It is undeniable that mass media changes the way people think, and the way they act, but with all due respect it has never made anyone commit a crime, it has never made anyone murder somebody. I believe people who are easily manipulated (and people who are just downright stupid) blame things like the media for changing the way people act. I know I have changed my ways because of media, but only to a certain extent. It is up to the mind of the person taking in the media to decide whether or not it is reality or not. But this brings to question the age of children taking in the media. This is a bitchy thing to say, but once you consider it and really think about it I think you will agree with me. Children can not always be innocent, they need to realize what is going on in the world at some point. Maturity will bring our young ones a long way if they let it. I think with growing technology, human kind needs to grow too. It is time to quit being oblivious to children and what they know, and to let them in even more. They are our future leaders of tomorrow and the more they know in years to come, the more beneficial it will be to society. I do not believe violence is learned in the media, I believe violence and other such ‘horrible’ things are learned at home.

I could never actually hate him, but wtf?-meany head

Andy is such an asshole. Okay, not really, he is actually a really awesome guy. It is just, well we went out in, for like two weeks, then broke up, and I could not even tell you the day we started going out, the month, or the year for that matter. All I know is, when we broke up we both wanted to still be friends, and we still are! Which is awesome, no complaints. Except for this summer, when he told me I would never get married. I mean, yeah I used to joke about it all of the time before that, saying I could never marry a person, and could never raise a child. Those jokes have become reality. I bring Andy up in this, because whenever I am with him he finds an imperfection of mine and points it out. If I am so terrible at life, I do not see why he asked me out in the first place! Fine, he is right, I do agree with him that I have a hard time committing to someone (I have my reasons), and I am not the best person to come to if you need to feel better, I am not a compassionate person for people’s feelings, that is just me. I am about getting stuff done for me, and for people that I work for, that is it. I hate to say it, but I am sour towards relationships, I do not think I have ever had one successful relationship in my life. But he does not have to point it out to me, that is enough to make a girl cry. To know you will be lonely for the rest of your life.

my closest friend

I will not deny the power it has over me. I will not lie, and say that I would do anything to make it stop making me feel the way I feel. I can promise that it is harmful, and has caused the death of so many people, including my own loved ones. I will tell you now, I could not live without it. There is nothing on this planet, or in the entire universe that I could, or would ever want to, replace it with. I have a nasty disease that helps me cope with everything in this sick, sad, world. I should want it to go away, but the truth is I want it more and more. This disease will surely make it so I can never have a normal relationship, never get married, and never have a healthy child. Which is okay, I love everything it gives to me because it has shown me so much about the world. This sounds so confusing, and you are no doubt wondering what this is, but I will not tell. I know once I admit to anyone of my problem, they will make me seek help. Help is not what I need. I need its’ control over me, it is the only thing that helps me to feel sane. Bringing fourth the issue is for me, and it helps me to understand why I am this way. This is not a plea for help, so do not think I am asking to be saved. This is me, admitting to, and trying to understand, my life.

i am not sure

I have a hard time believing a person when they have lied to me before. Any one who has descent respect for themselves should feel this way. Not everyone, of course, is going to admit to it, because of a little phrase called forgive and forget. It is funny how people base their entire lives of what is said to them, and how it is said. Sometimes, it would make more sense to double think what some one is telling you. It does not make you bad person, or say that you have trust issues, it is just a way of living for yourself. You do not have to believe every thing that you hear, all of the time. I see people everyday that are being lied to and do not realize it. Of course, it is sometimes hard to realize when some one is lying to you, but it should be the persons second job to question the reality of the situation. Manipulation is so easily done by teachers, parents, friends, and it will be done for as long as anyone could imagine. Gatekeepers are an example of people who keep some news behind closed doors, and leak the rest to their audience. It is the journalist’s job to create the story so it is interesting, whether it provides all information is not in most journalist’s criteria of ethics for the audience. Overall, I think people need to learn what they hear is not always the full truth, in fact sometimes a big, fat, lie. Sometimes we just need to think for ourselves.

I HAVE NO LIFE. I THINK I'LL GO ON FACEBOOK

Facebook is for creeps. I recently deleted my Facebook account. I have many friends in North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, and many other places that have been contacted by people they have met once and all of a sudden they are best friends online. Talking back and fourth about how they had so much fun that one night but they hardly remember anything that happened when they met. I too, have had people add me to their friends list in facebook and then once I see them again in person, they look at me as if they do not know who I am. If you ask me, that is the definition of creepy, someone who can not talk to somebody in person but can online. I realize there are shy people out there, but why would someone consider somebody a friend and not talk to them in person? I also watch people read other people’s conversations. For instance, the girl reading her ex-boyfriends wall posts, and reading off what he has said to other people. Most of the time this is done out of jealousy, sometimes curiosity, either way it is none of the girls business. This is also done between friends, or family. I think people should base their friendships by what happens to the relationship on a face to face basis. Not by something they cannot even discuss with each other one on one. One more thing I find annoying about facebook, is that all girls (and some guys too) put up so many pictures of themselves. Most of the girls put pictures up that do not even look like them, but they do it because they want to get a reaction. I think facebook is a way for college students to act like they are in high school again, it is a stupid popularity contest, that allows for others to gossip and for some creeps to find out about what is going on in other peoples lives. I say, get your own life.

value of a selfish life

I learned this weekend to never let some one you hardly know to make a decision for you that you should make on your own. Okay, truth be told, I have always known that. It is a basic rule that everyone knows. I am old enough to know I can and should make my own decisions, but that does not mean I always listen to will. It is like saying “I should go work out tonight and not eat that Butterfinger bar,” but well I know that I am more likely to give into temptation then to actually do something that will benefit myself in the long run. It is not because I do not care for myself it is because I want pleasure now. I am an impatient person and well I guess you could say I am selfish. So this weekend I decided to let some one make a decision for me when I knew better. The decision was to get into a car with a driver that had been drinking, and because I was selfish and wanted to stay with this person and hang out with them for the rest of the night we got into the car and started driving home. On the way home a couple was crossing the street and the driver was looking down, I screamed at him to stop but it was too late. We hit the couple, and he did not even realize it! I yelled at him to pull over and he did. The couple was pronounced dead the next day around noon time. This is something I will remember for the rest of my life, the fact that I was selfish enough to want to get to a destination with some guy took the life of two people. This did not really happen, but if it did, I would feel like a bitch. So do not drink and drive, because if you do, you are a selfish bitch.

I want a brand new (purple) phone, a completely different lap top, a cool car that all my friends envy me for, and I want a boyfriend. Unless my parents started to spoil me like I deserve to be, I will not obtain these with out setting some goals for myself. It is harder for people like me to say I want ‘this’ and have it magically appear than it is to set a goal and achieve it. So I have to set some goals. Well a new phone should not be a problem, I can work for a couple months and buy myself a phone. Oh wait, I cannot work because I have to go to school. I need a new laptop, also something that I need to work for (by working for society and being paid in return with currency) but I cannot do this either! I want a car, which obviously is impossible at this moment in my life. Boyfriend, well if you have any ideas for goals I need to set for myself with this one, please let me know, because finding that right (nice) guy has been harder then I could ever imagine. Obviously, nothing I have done has worked yet. One thing that I can do right now, that does not involve working, is studying and trying to get good grades, because that is the only thing I can think of that will pay off in the long run and allow me to achieve my goals of having nicer things.

It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt.

“Cody! Does this shirt make me look fat?!?” I desperately asked my brother.
He grunted and walked away.
James would be here any second, and I was wondering to myself at that time why it even mattered at all how I looked. I had never cared before what he thought about me, why should I now? I decided on the basic jeans and a tee when the phone rang. I could hear his yellow, rusted pick up truck swerving into the driveway. I ran downstairs with the biggest smile on my face, and when I walked outside I couldn’t help but slightly grin to myself. His car smelt like gasoline, and there was a whole in the bottom of the floor where my feet were. All I could keep thinking was I wanted to scoot over and sit next to him, but I knew I could not, we were just friends.
A few years had passed, we were both in long term relationships with other people, and I doubt he ever thought of me during that time. Then we ran into each other thanks to mutual friends. The next weekend I couldn’t help but call him in hopes he wanted to rekindle our friendship. Our relationship was something I had never experienced. Constantly fighting, but always being honest, and open. Not afraid because both of us already knew what it was like to be hurt.
We were out in the country at a friends’ house once again, and the bonfire was dying down. We had maybe one too many and decided to go mudding in the back of Adam’s new pick up truck. A quick turn sent me flying into him, causing him to lose his balance. I tried grabbing onto his hands but the driver continued to floor it. He flew off the side of the truck and into a hidden pole. The pole ripped through his pant leg, but it did not matter. The hard fall broke his lower back bones and he was never able to walk again.
I am sorry for hurting you, but you hurt me.

Lonely as I am, together we cry. ( i dont ever want to feel like i did that day)

Purple lights beamed at me from out of the poster in the wall. Yellow, green, blue, orange, red, it was the most beautiful portrait of Jimmy Hendrix I had ever seen in my life. An urge of discovery was creeping at my fingertips and there was nothing I wanted to do more then to stand up and see what new gorgeous things I could find waiting for me around the corner. I had talked to her thousands of times before, but this time it was different, she gave me a feeling of peace, like everything we would ever need in life was right there, right then. Music took over our conversation, and a new energy was taking over my body. The peasant skirt that came below her knees was white and it moved with every last one of her curves, the natural blue shirt caused her eyes to beam at me, and her jean jacket followed her arms in the air as she elegantly waved them in the air. I needed her to complete me and I would never be the same if we had not crossed paths soon again. Weeks had passed and no call, when I had finally gotten up the courage to make her come to me again. We ended up going to another party that night, but she was not radiating beauty this time. I fed her drinks until she could not walk anymore, and she said she would walk home. (She would rather get a minor walking home, then getting into a car with a drunk driver.) I convinced her to come back to my dorm with me. Down her throat I poured more beer and I continued myself. This mess in my room was on the edge so it was only natural that I finish the night off with something to satisfy myself. _I never called her again_
Just a little story I made up about an asshole. : )

Somewhere I Belong

The feeling of coming to a breakdown. I close my eyes and feel their words, I realize they are right and that I should have known better. I did not mean to get angry, I did not mean to yell, I just wanted somebody to listen. I just wanted somebody to show concern, or interest that I was trying to get their attention. But it only had negative effects. Now where am I? Sitting alone, in South Dakota hoping one person back home is thinking of me right now. I did not want to leave my friends ( I loved them and they loved me!), I had to, I thought it would make everything right again. You cannot run from your problems they will follow you wherever you go. You can escape the old ones, but the thought of having them done once brings on a chance you will do them again. Especially if you are weak and unwilling to change.
So on another note, I hate that I am one of the guys. OKAY that is a huge lie, I love being one of the homies. It is just sooner or later, or even in the beginning, one of those guys develops a little something, something for me. You know, he starts to have feelings for me. Then I realize I have feelings for his friend, oh okay sweet so we are just a huge love triangle right now. The perfect mess that nobody wants to clean up, because no matter how careful we all are, someone’s heart is bound to be left on the floor, if not all of them. I have not learned yet that this happens with every group of guys I am friends with. Well I mean I have, I just have not learned how to control it. It happens more then twice a year, which is why I am such a floater among my friends, I cannot control being with one group for too long, I hate the drama. But it just sucks because I have found that group of kids that I truly love being with and now it is happening all over again. I will put my feelings aside now just like I always do.

shoo fly don't bother me

I hate flies so much. This weekend I went to a party and had a lot of fun, came home laid down and decided I was much too tired to get up and take out my contacts. I figured I had more contacts waiting for me in my drawer so I uncaringly took the contacts out of my eyes and threw them on the floor. This was Saturday night, so on Sunday morning when I woke up I thought I’d pop in my new contacts. It turns out I only had one contact left. So I have gone three days with only one contact in my eye. Well I called Walmart to see if I could order some from there. The lady said yes and reassured me my insurance would work for it. So I go to walmart with my insurance card and my prescription to find out that I can not get contacts because I have to have a check up with their doctor. OKAY lady well thanks for lying to me over the phone, so I had to make an appointment for this Wednesday to go and get my eyes checked out. Later that same night I called my mom to make sure my insurance would cover my exam. Today (Wednesday) I got a call from Walmart saying I could not use insurance on it. Then I called my mom and asked her why she lied and said I could get a discount because of insurance. Her response was “OH, I guess I was not thinking.” I am so frustrated with people. I totally shouldn’t be, because I realize not everyone needs to understand where I am coming from, but they could atleast quit beating around the bush and be straight up with me. Oh and then a fly was flying in front of my face when I wrote the first part of this so I got up and tried killing it. I did not want to touch it and get gross fly guts on my awesome beautiful hands so I went to find something in my sock drawer to kill it with, and I found my other contacts.

not all of it

“Never judge somebody by the way they look or act at that moment because they will surprise you if you give them the chance they deserve,” my mom would always claim. I was always much more hard headed then her (like my father), until one day when I actually did give a less privileged person a chance.
Getting off the bus on the last stop in Greenfields, I met her at my current crush’s house. I had only lived in Greenfields for a few months and it was definitely one of the more rundown neighborhoods my parents were embarrassed to live in.
Brett threw me the football and I caught it not realizing it was even in the air yet. My automatic reaction to the ball caught the eye of the girl jumping off of the bus and onto her crush at the time Dustin Shaw. Dustin pushed her off and slammed her onto the ground, she quickly spun around and climbed on top of him, pinching him.
“Uncle!” He screamed, “Get off of me you freak!”
She jumped off, laughed, and quickly pretended to attack again, causing him to lash his arm back to hold him up as he flinched so hard that he hit the ground.
She looked at me again, “lets put those skills to the test,” she intimidated me, “FLAG FOOTBALL!”
Brett yelled at his neighbor, a year younger than us, “Michael, do it to it. We need more players.”
I yelled at Janelle and Jamie “Don’t be a baby, we need you,”
Dustin yelled at Jared, “Hey man get your ass over here.”
This was the birth day of the Greenfields crew, a group of friends that would affect me for the rest of my life.

one more unfortunate event

I was trying to do my Biology homework, a paper that was about the reproduction of cells. Then my computer crashed! I was ¾ ways done and the next thing you know my computer decides to completely shut off leaving me with a blank face. I turned around and yelled at my mom who was standing behind me the entire time asking me if she thought my sister would be okay down in Colorado all by herself. It was not my place to worry about her right then, in fact it was the worst time. I got up and walked to the kitchen thinking an ice cold…water, would cool me down. I came back to the computer, attempted to turn it on, nothing. I walked to the bathroom to rinse the frustrated look off my face. Then I heard what sounded like a cell phone starting up. I peeked out of the bathroom and my computer had a series of digits and numbers spiraling to the middle of the screen, like all of the information was falling into a black hole and I would never see it again. I ran to the computer to try and fix it, when I heard a knock on the back door. I hesitated not knowing which to go to. I gave in and walked to the door, but when I got there all I saw was my backyard. There was no one there, I thought for sure I was hearing things. I came back to the computer only to find it was gone.

MP BABY!

I could smell the whiskey on his breath. He ran past me and picked up Brooke by her wrist. She threw her head back and her short brown hair reached for the floor. The screams from my mother were drowned out by my fathers cussing to shut Brooke up. He tossed her in the air and grabbed one of her legs, shaking her. Her head bounced up and down into her chest, and her arms flew around limp as could be. He then threw her onto the bed. Her weak arms could not protect her body from the man running his hands down her sides and up her legs.
“Get in here!”
I drowned out my emotions, looked at the floor, and did what I was told, just as I had done many times before.
He told us to take off our Sunday dresses. I was powerless to defend myself, and so as always I slowly removed my white tights with runs on the insides. Next, the ratted dress that had been passed down for generations.
Each of my sisters had loved that dressed, but I hated it. The blue ribbon on the lower back was so wrinkled and the bottom of the dress, with its fringes came awkwardly above my knees (I had always been taller then my sisters).
I was a few years older then Brooke and had been in her position many times before. She was not new to the ritual, but the fact was starting to kill both of us inside.
I grabbed her hand, and she intertwined her fingers with mine. She looked at me with her greyish green eyes and I knew someday I would have to be the one to save her.

Like any other normal human being I am constantly worrying about one thing or another. So when I am alone I constantly think of ways I could have better done something. If it means that much to me I will actually write them down in a calendar or notebook. Well, this morning I got a “wake up call” an hour after I woke up.
It was 7:30 in the morning, like usual I was awake thinking about a guy that I had recently met, wondering why I like him, but he does not have mutual feelings. (Not a big deal really) I thought of ways I could improve myself around him to make me more likeable. In order to improve something you must look at what is wrong with it in the first place. Which led me to get really down on myself. I began to wonder why I do not get along with a lot of people around here, or for that matter why anyone can not just get along all of the time. Which made me think of Marcia Kear, one person I am extreme opposites of. Then of course I began thinking of what I am going to do for my next blog. It is hard for me to write out anything in this blog because I feel like I am being judged for everything I say. Which is why writing is such a love-hate relationship. Like any other form of communication (verbal, mannerisms, technical etc.), once you put it out there you can not take it back, and 100% of the time (unless you are a coward) your name is linked to it. Back to the point, in the beginning of the semester I was told to write about anything I want in my blog, so long as I do the assignment. I try not to offend people, so you see my problem here. I can not write because I do not want someone to give me a bad grade because they think I am a bad person for thinking the way I do. Then at 8:30 as I still trying to think of something to blab about, an alarm on my phone went off. Hidden in my calendar of events was a reminder that said “DO NOT CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK!!” Thanks to that note I came to realize I can not put my life on hold for people that disagree with my ways or what I think. I too have met many people I do not agree with, yet I still respect them for their individualism. And if I can do that, then I am sure just about anyone can. Basically what I am trying to say is that from now on the thoughts that go in this blog will be controversial because I can not write about stupid things like guys twice a week. I have always enjoyed writing because I used to do it for myself, and when I did I was damn good at it. I want to enjoy writing again. I want this blog to be the love part of the relationship, I’ll leave research assignments for the hate part.

Fargo

I can not wait to go back to Fargo, North Dakota. Fargo is about the size of Sioux Falls. My dad tells me Sioux Falls is a little bit bigger, but not as run down. Either way I do not care about the comparisons of two cities, I just really miss seeing my friends. Fargo is not a small town but everywhere I went I saw somebody I knew. I used to think it was a bad thing because I could not go to Target looking like crap with out seeing that cute football player from school, but now I miss those guys more then ever! I miss hearing all the latest gossip involving my friends and their lives, and being able to joke around with someone about something idiotic they have done in the past and having them being able to comeback at me with a witty remark about something even dumber that I have done. Another thing I really miss is, knowing I could run into one of my family members anywhere. I have a huge family and if you live in Fargo you know who we are, and if you do not know who we are then you do not really know anybody, chances are you sit at home every Friday night. I miss meeting people and hearing them say “Oh! You are related to ‘so and so’.” The worst part about not being home is I feel like I can not trust anyone here! The first couple of weeks I though I would be fine, that is until I saw every single guy I had become friends with treat me like I was suppose to give myself up to them as a repayment for hanging out with them. In Fargo, we hang out with people because we enjoy their company. I really hope I have just met a bunch of jerks and this is not how South Dakotans really act.

Lady just go home

Today was an eventful day. I woke up went to biology, but then biology was cancelled, that is okay though. Then I went back to my dorm room, ate some kettle corn popcorn, and went to Algebra. In Algebra we did the same thing we do every day, take notes. After class I went to fix my laptop because I am currently not getting internet on it. I went to the help desk and the lady told me to go to Barnes and Noble to buy an Ethernet cord. Well I had to get my coyote ID card because I have no terms of money at hand except for the coyote cash (which I love!). So anyways, my roommate told me they give out Ethernet cords to everyone for free in the computer lab in our lobby of Norton. So I went to the desk to find out that I am suppose to ask the lady at the help desk for the free cord. This really bothers me! It is wrong to say something to someone especially when you do not know for fact that this is what you are suppose to do. It is not a big deal to me if you have no idea where I am suppose to go for help but do not pretend like you do and give me false directions sending me all over campus. This lady has done this twice to me. This incident, and another that happened over a week ago. I think she should be fired.

HouseKeeper

I will be paying for all of my tuition and board bills for my freshmen year up until I am completely done with school. I have known this since the day I decided to go to college. I did not actually decide I wanted to go to college until I was fourteen. That year, I got my first job at Village Inn as a hostess. Since then I have been used to working at least 30 hours a week. After quitting my first job because of my managers harassing me and accusing me of false acquisitions I took a break from working until summer. During the summer I ended up working at Santa Lucia a Greek stand at the fair. I also started working at a concession stand for the baseball beer league in West Fargo, ND. My uncle got me this job, and I remember every day one of his friends would come up to my stand and say “Hey Sandy! Oh that’s right! You are not Sandy! You just look exactly like her.” (Sandy is my mother) So you could tell how this would get really annoying, in the end I decided not to work there the next year. After these jobs, I worked at subway as a main closer, and sometimes as an opener. Then I quit and worked in a sports bar and grill named Pepper’s. Which was the only job I really did not like, I was a hostess and sometimes waitress which did not require much work so I often got bored. The summer after this I worked for Erbert and Gerbert’s which is a subs and club shop. I was offered a much better job opportunity at Fleet Farm, which is a like a Walmart for farmers, except Fleet Farm has the absolute, most inexpensive prices. After working here for a year, I decided I was going to take the summer off for once, but I ended up walking into a firework store and they mentioned they were hiring just for a week, I thought to myself well it is just a week. Apparently I was a good worker because they wanted to hire me full time for the rest of the summer. I ended up saying yes, and worked 12 hours a day Monday through Saturday and 9 hours on Sunday from the middle of June until the beginning of September. I have felt almost deprived until today when I started my first day at Super 8, as a housekeeper. I hope this job will last for the rest of my college career, because so far it is an easy job and I enjoy the people I work with.

Boys: need 'em!

I have never been one of those girls that go to OC parties, take two sips of beer and make out with 3 guys in one night, and I would not be caught dead saying something along the lines of, " O-M-G!! she did not just look at me like that! OOH girl, she did not!" I have always been the girl that all the guys love to hang out with, mainly because my personality is laid back. I am this way because I grew up with two older brothers, and close to 15 guy cousins constantly calling me to come hang out with them and their guy friends. Let me break it down, I could not go a day without watching ESPN, doing one physical activity (preferably frolfing), jamming out to classic rock or hard rock, and I would die if I even pretended to care what I look like at all times of the day.
So when I decided to actually attend college my junior year, I cringed at the thought of having to live with a female roommate. I have never been in the position to hang out with a girl for longer then a weekend! Now for a year I have to live in a room with a girl that I know nothing about, along with twenty or more girls all sharing the same bathroom as me!
Up until today I have been hiding out in my room or the library trying to concentrate on my homework, secretly missing my best guy friends from my hometown (Fargo, ND- 5 hours away). Thankfully I ran into an acquintance who happens to like frolfing. I ended up tagging along with him and his friends. I had fun getting away from the girls, I felt like I could finally be myself! It really is an amazing feeling after acting like someone you are not for longer then a week.
The guys I met are fun and down to earth. Now that I met them this year should be a lot more fun then I thought it would be.